The internet, particularly male motivation, is filled with random self-proclaimed alpha men trying to teach you how to be an alpha, and I have had it up to the neck with how wrong I find them to be.
Treat this as a rant essay. Do not get offended. Actually, do get offended if you may. I do not care.
Long story short, take a man,
- rip him off his ability to identify his problems and stare them in the face,
- introduce unaccountability and brash behaviour,
- put him on the hamster wheel of self-improvement and
- tell him not to care.
You get a modern-day alpha. And this is my attempt to debunk things wrong with that perception.
Not Caring is Non-Alpha
By definition.
The term alpha male comes from wolf research, where it refers to the highest-ranking male wolf. The phenomenon, however, has been studied more rigorously in chimps because they are closely related to humans yet primal to the core. Unlike common perception, the alpha is not a personality type. Even chimp societies are political systems, and the alpha is a political position. So you have to be impressive and intimidating and demonstrate your vigour when the occasion arises, but that’s just one part of it.
As I said, the alpha is a political position, which means you are responsible for and accountable to your tribe. As the alpha, you have several obligations –
- The control role – You must resolve fights and keep the harmony of the group intact. By diplomacy or by force. People must believe in you enough to follow your word.
- Empathiser – You must have deep empathy for your people. Understand their needs and be the force that leads them to it. (In humans, this will translate to emotional intelligence).
Caring and empathy are fundamental to the alpha. In chimps, males who go on the campaign to dethrone the alpha have also been seen to become very generous. In their attempts to break the existing alpha coalitions, they would often share food very easily. They would start caring for the babies of females, although male chimps, by nature, aren’t much interested in infants.
The privileges are obvious. The biggest privilege of being the alpha is the female attention you get. (Perhaps that is why the Alpha archetype is so aspirational. Perhaps why you’re here too). Evolution has designed sexual selection to function that way. But there are costs that come intertwined, too –
- You need to keep your partners happy. You are sure to have king-makers, chimps who may withdraw their support if their interests are not provided for.
- Everyone wants your position, so you need to constantly watch your back.
And that, perhaps, is the highest cost of being the alpha – you are fending off so many attacks that you lose your tenderness in the process. When chimps from various positions in the social hierarchy were tested for cortisol levels (a marker of stress), this is what the graph looked like:
So, an alpha’s stress level is as high as the lowest chimp with the most miserable life. As a result, your exterior becomes tough and blade-like, and many a time, it gets directed inward towards the people you care about. Your default state is to attack, your behaviour becomes brash, and the only love you are left capable of is tough love.
But note when I say it is a cost alpha men bear.
My problem with modernity is how it demonstrates it as an aspirational behaviour. Modernity will downplay all other aspects of an alpha male and tell you to achieve a tough exterior and not care. And by doing that, you will get all the women you want. It is absolutely bulshit.
The alpha male phenomenon is relevant in chimps and other primal species because the definition of competence is limited to strength, sexual prowess and basic alliances. Human societies, however, have evolved to become too complicated for any definition of competence to hold universally true. So, there cannot be a universal alpha either. A football team’s captain is an alpha on the field but put him in the music society and watch him lose his charm. The only thing universally effective is empathy, so you might want to focus your energy there.
At this point, I do realise that I may have put you off this alpha man archetype. It is simply too much work. And this is exactly where modernity will present you with another archetype – the Sigma male.
Hear me out; you will relate with it. A Sigma male is a lone wolf. Commonly regarded as the “rarest” type of male, a sigma male is typically denoted as an archetype of a male who is similar to the alpha male. Unlike alpha males, though, sigma males are more introverted and seek to dominate themselves, meaning “self-mastery”. A sigma male is equally competent and can dominate and lead any group if they feel like it, but they don’t feel like it. They like to keep a mysterious personality, much like a tiger.
Relatable? Of course, I knew you were a tiger. When push comes to shove, you will obliterate anything that comes your way, but until then, tumhara man nahi hai. Do you know what the problem is, though? Push rarely ever comes to shove, and until then, none of the qualities you say you have will be put to the test. And you ‘prefer’ not to show them anyway, so everyone can conveniently identify with it and feel awesome without actually achieving anything. Listen to me carefully. The archetype of Sigma males is a concept of modernity designed to sedate you into finding your miserable life splendid in your hallucinations. So, if you find yourself to be a Sigma male, I have only one thing to say to you – hatt behenchod!
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